Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Bridezilla vs. Groomzilla, round one. Ding Ding

How involved is the groom supposed to be?

I know there are the outliers who want nothing to do with planning the wedding, they just want to know when and where they're supposed to be and what has been chosen for them to wear. On the other end of the spectrum are the grooms that want to be very involved with the wedding planning process from selecting color schemes to designing the save the dates. I have the latter and am struggling with keeping him at bay.

MJ called me a Bridezilla this morning...what happened? Well it all started last night, I was graphically designing our save the dates and MJ wanted me to stop and spend time with him. After half a dozen "one more thing" statements by me I finally closed my Mac and hung out with my soon-to-be Mr. For our save the dates, I've been planning to have them printed at Kinko's which I told MJ about a while ago (I will now research other printers and see if I can find someone else to fit in our budget.)

Flip to this morning, MJ and I are talking on the phone while we're both commuting and MJ suggests that we should take our save the dates to a professional printer instead of Kinko's. This translated to me as "you have no idea what you're doing and the save the dates are going to be embarrassing if you do them, please take them to a printer" (I'm not insecure for thinking this, MJ begged me to not do our invites on the Gocco machine that I purchased, lucky for him I won our invites...) MJ didn't understand why I was being so defensive and we basically got into a little spat, and that's where the Bridezilla comment entered.

What it comes down to is that I don't want his input on how to print out our save the dates. I've already spent time trying to figure out the best design and print methods. If it was in our budget to use a professional printer, I would take that route in a heartbeat! Alas, each time I want to splurge for something (like our day of coordinator) I also hear the other end of it about how the wedding is super expensive. I'm finding myself longing that MJ didn't care about the details, but at the same time I like asking for his opinion on some items.

When I got to my office I emailed MJ a list of items that the groom is normally involved with (along with an appology for our arguement):

- How much can be spent on the event and by whom
- Where the ceremony and reception will occur
- The size and division of the guest list
- The degree of formality for both the ceremony and reception
- The number of attendants each of you will have, and who you will ask
- Which stores and specific items should be part of your gift registry
- Where your honeymoon will occur and for how long
I really do want MJ to take the reins on planning our honeymoon.

I also sent him the link to this article that I for the most part agree with. (MJ wrote this about the article: Apparently, there is some guy out there who has experienced exactly what I am experiencing. Thanks for sending this and I will take the tips seriously.)

I know this day isn't about me, it's about US. It's difficult to hear opinions from everyone when I know I'm the only person planning and researching (with the exception of my MOH :)) this wedding, so although I appreciate the thought I've already hunted down the choice that will work best for us.

Do you have an over-involved groom? Am I the only that doesn't like it?


Wheresmydessert said...

Thank you for following me! FH has been supportive thus far but I definitely take the lead on planning. Strangely though, he has very particular ideas on specific things - for example, we will likely have a harpist for the ceremony. I have NO idea where he got that idea, but he's pretty adamant about it, lol!

Anonymous said...

I wish I had an involved groom. My Honey's response is usually "uh huh, sounds good dear" He does put in his input into a couple of things: shimmer or matte paper. And he INSISTED that navy be one of the wedding colors. But he is the typical, just tell me where to be type guy

Crystal said...

The article I sent him had a big effect. He never considered that I was invested in the decisions that I was making. He agreed that he would research his suggestions from now on, and that he's going to focus on planning our honeymoon! :)

@ brideonashoestring - Since we've been engaged our married friends have been joking that that's all MJ is supposed to do. I keep wishing, JK.

Jennifer said...

I think I'm lucky that my FI isn't terribly involved, but is also involved enough that I feel like he really does care and want to be a part of this wedding other than the "I do" part. There have been a couple of times where he has said, "I don't want X at the wedding," where X is some kind of decor, or decoration medium, or color, etc. And the times I don't agree with him, I feel very defensive because, like you, if I have thought far enough to want X in the wedding, it's for a specific reason. So I can see that having a more involved FI would be pretty annoying. I'm glad you were able to diffuse the situation by sending him that link!

Jenny said...

Thats me Im the MOH who is just obessed as the bride...bad or good poor boyfriend :)

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